How to Grow a Welcoming Church

Longstanding readers of The Sunday Paper editorials and/or this blog, are aware that my daughter, Margaret Pritchard Houston, is a children’s ministry professional in the Church of England.  I have (with her permission) filched her articles as Sunday Paper editorials several times in the last ten years, and the Editorial for Fall 1 2013 reviewed her first book, There Is a Season: Celebrating the Church Year with Children.  (That review predates my blog, but I will post a condensed version of it as a comment on this post.)

Her new book arises out of her work since 2016 as diocesan staff member for children’s ministries in the Diocese of St Albans, and prior to that position, and overlapping with it, as Children and Families Minister at a London parish.  I should also mention, as I have before, that her blog, Living God’s Love, is well worth following. 

Beyond the Children’s Corner: Creating a Culture of Welcome for All Ages by Margaret Pritchard Houston.  172 pages +Afterword by Sandra Millar and 3 Appendices.  London: Church House Publishing, 2020.

I ended my review of Margaret’s first book with the paragraph, “Go out and get this book.  You’ll be inspired.”  The same recommendation applies to this one, which has a broader reach: it is aimed at parish leaders rather than children’s ministry staff and volunteers.  It is a guide to addressing the frequently expressed wishful hope of “attracting more young families to our church” by taking an honest look at every feature of that wishful hope.

What do we mean by “young families”?  How would we “attract” them?  And, for that matter, what do we mean by “our church”—what in fact is the church, what is its mission, what is the Good News it has to offer, and why would anybody (and particularly “young families”) in this stressful world get up and dressed and out the door on Sunday morning in order to be part of it?

This book is specifically about discerning how to “make Sunday services more welcoming to children and families.”

There are many ways to do ministry with children, in the parish and its neighborhood, but this book is specifically about discerning how to “make Sunday services more welcoming to children and families.”  It is intended for use by a committee embarking on a process, with the goal of actual results; each sub-chapter ends with a summary and a series of discussion questions.  As explained in the Introduction:

This book is intended as a guide to accompany you on that process. …

• First, we take a look at the modern family, to gain a better understanding of the lives of those people we are trying to reach.
• From there, we look at how you can make the most of the resources already present in your church, and at what changes can be made to the space in order to enable children to engage more easily with worship.
• Then we look at many of the common barriers to welcoming children and families, the hidden and unspoken assumptions and dynamics behind them, and some ways of changing the culture.
• Finally, we look at what it really means to fully welcome children—as fellow disciples and decision makers.      (p. 4)

Beyond the Children’s Corner is so readable that an interested individual can finish it in a matter of hours, but it is so full of good ideas that an individual reader who had no opportunity to bring it to a parish committee for serious study and implementation would finish the book in a state of anguished frustration.

Published in this fateful year 2020, Beyond the Children’s Corner was written and edited before the world pandemic brought a whole new set of questions and challenges to the churches.  There is a brief reference to this new layer of questions and challenges in the introduction (p. ix), but the book is predicated on the familiar circumstances of in-person church to which we still assume, and hope, we will return after a few more months of exile.  It does not, and cannot, address the unknown aftereffects on our worship, or attendance, or pastoral care, of a year or more of the church in dispersion and the church via Zoom, nor the horrendous wreckage that will have been wrought by the disease—bereaved families, lost livelihoods, traumatic stress.

But there is so much sound research and pastoral insight in the book that parishes using it should find themselves empowered to look with new eyes at the realities of their congregation and community even in whatever changed circumstances follow this lengthy crisis.  Indeed, its guidance may prove especially timely as the church faces the task of rebuilding its in-person community after the exile.

There is so much sound research and pastoral insight in the book that parishes using it should find themselves empowered to look with new eyes at the realities of their congregation and community.

The research in the book goes deep but is carried lightly, expressed in a friendly and readable voice, and amply referenced via footnotes (many of them to online resources where the reader can easily find more context and details) and a concise “resource list” of books, articles, and web sites in Appendix 2.  The pastoral insight arises from Margaret’s work as a full-time staff member for children’s ministries in a London parish, and then as a diocesan staff member for children’s ministries where she has been responsible for training of, and communication with, clergy and lay leaders throughout the diocese and has often been invited to write and lead workshops beyond the diocese. 

She makes generous use of anecdotes and quotations from clergy and lay workers with whom she has come in contact, as well as her own observations.  She also draws, often humorously, on her own experience as a newcomer or outsider, who was raised in the US and came to the United Kingdom as a young adult, and who, like all young adults, has sometimes felt overwhelmed by today’s complex society with all its unwritten rules.

The book begins with a concise and informative survey of the realities of modern family life, including the increased diversity of family configurations, the sharp increase in the numbers of families where both parents (or the only parent) work outside the home; the loneliness of the parent who does stay at home; the disappearance of the social expectation of churchgoing (now of several generations’ standing, so that the parents of today’s children often have no experience of church from their own childhoods), and the issues of child poverty and children with special needs. 

Chapter 2 opens with some imaginary social scenarios—two dinner parties and two dinner dates—characterized by gross discourtesy, a hidden agenda, or social cluelessness, as a way of dramatizing how it may feel to be a newcomer visiting a Sunday church service.  The one where the date asks, as the bill arrives, “So, can I change my Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’ yet?” is a particularly effective way of revealing the pitfalls of aggressively buttonholing potential new members. Then follow three case studies, each with its own discussion questions, featuring churches struggling to become more welcoming to families and children, and sketching out the domains where work may be needed: the building, the clergy, and access to other resources such as volunteers and funds.

The topic of major fundraising is beyond the scope of this book, but Chapter 2 ends with a useful and encouraging “Resource Audit” questionnaire, subtitled “What do we already have?” and broken down into the familiar rubrics of Time, Talents, and Treasure.  Here and elsewhere in the book, most of the material is equally accessible and applicable to churches in the US, but there are occasional dead ends for US readers, such as the references to funding resources in the Church of England.  Some church jargon will be unfamiliar (“PCC” is the parish council, analogous to the vestry in an Episcopal church; “AGM” is the annual meeting.)  And although many American parishes can point to problems with their buildings that are a challenge in attracting newcomers, especially children, readers on this side of the Atlantic may be taken aback by the discussion in this chapter of ways of addressing a still-common issue for centuries-old churches in the UK, namely the complete absence of indoor plumbing (no toilets! no kitchen!).

Here again is the particularly winning combination of sensitivity, insight, enthusiasm, practical detail and humor that characterizes Margaret’s writing.

Chapters 3, 4 and 5 make deep dives into respectively, the church building, the church culture (“The Dreaded ‘Shhhhhh’), and ways of developing creative, practical, and effective program innovations that can grow organically out of the parish’s own way of gathering for worship, rather than being imposed on it.  Here again is the particularly winning combination of sensitivity, insight, enthusiasm, practical detail and humor that characterizes Margaret’s writing.

The final chapter, “Do Not Hinder Them,” consists of a concise and theologically sound summary of the dignity and importance of children’s spirituality, and its implications for liturgy and pastoral care, which leads to the final recommendations, “Form real relationships with them,” and “Include them in making decisions that affect them.” This last advice is fleshed out with information and tips for the dynamics of change and decision making in parishes, including references to methodologies drawn from social-science research.

Finally, the afterword by Sandra Millar, Head of Welcome and Life Events for the Church of England, offers another theologically and pastorally informed look at demographics and social trends, and the three appendices provide some additional resources and a chance to hear from some of the young teens who had grown up in Margaret’s church and were invited to share their ideas and images for the concept of a “safe home.”

At a time when our own church leaders are so often conveying the message that the local parish as we have known it is doomed by demographic determinism to continue to shrink in size and resources, it is refreshing and inspiring to find a book that not only offers an alternative vision but also provides such a clear, well-documented guide for making that vision real.  The final sentences of the book (before the last set of discussion questions) tell the reader that the work of inviting children into full membership in God’s family is “wonderful, amazing work to be doing,” and that “with help and prayer, you can do it.” May it be so!

(c) 2020 by Gretchen Wolff Pritchard.  All rights reserved.

NOTE: Church Publishing Inc., the Episcopal Church USA publishing house, is considering bringing out an American edition of this book.  It’s not clear at this point how extensively it may be revised to refer to church circumstances and resources in the US, or whether the same book will merely be marketed here under Church Publishing’s imprint.  In any case, don’t wait!